Joke of the day

[Seamore5]

Today's Joke

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

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[Seamore5]

Today's Joke

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

[Seamore5]

Today's Joke

A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read:

"Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read:

"Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."

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[jeems]

Today's Joke

A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read:

"Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read:

"Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."

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That's funny!

[BHuber09]

Today's Joke

A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read:

"Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read:

"Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."

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This one is awesome!!!

[Seamore5]

Today Joke

Generous Electric, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here."

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said,
x
xx
xxx
xxxx
xxxxx
xxxxxx
xxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx

"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

[wavecrasher]

Jimmy and Ted were at a bar and noticed a woman sitting by herself. Jimmy tells Ted "Im gonna go over and talk to her". He goes to here table and asks her if he can buy her a drink. The woman just lashes out at jimmy like a woman possesed. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING OVER HERE LIKE THAT! CANT A WOMAN HAVE A DRINK BY HERSELF WITHOUT BEING HARASSED BY GUYS ASKING TO BY HER A DRINK? ITS GUYS LIKE YOU THAT MAKE A WOMAN NOT WANT TO GO OUT ANYWHERE!" Jimmy crawled back to his table with everyone staring at him. Ted says "man, what did you say to her?" As Jimmy was explaining, the woman came to their table and said " Hi, my name is Teresa and I want to apologize for that scene at my table. I am a university student and I am doing a paper on human reactions in embarrassing situations. I want to buy you a drink to show you that I am truly sorry for putting you in that situation." Jimmy looks at her and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?"

[Seamore5]

TODAY`S JOKE

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.


"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.


Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."


The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.


"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

[GoCliffGo05]

Lolz... busted!

[Seamore5]

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PLEASE ONLY DO THIS UNDER A CONTROL ENVIRONMENT
THANK YOU